✨✨ more bad parenting ✨✨

As is unfortunately the norm in these books, Sag Harbor is yet again full of ✨ problematic family dynamics ✨

This book generally really reminded me of Fun Home, so I have really similar analyses of the families/criticisms of the adults. 

In one disturbing scene, Benji's father asks "can he hit you harder than this" while repeatedly striking Benji. The point was to not be afraid of other kids when they're racist, and to instead stand up for yourself. However, in addition to being generally physically abusive, this response is not encouraging critical thinking or teaching his kid how to recognize racist social cues. There's also no explanation on how to best deal with/protect against racists/bullies. It's basically saying you better react in this specific way, with no other justification or thought process other than "I'll punish you if you don't" and "no one can hurt you more than I do," which is a really heartbreaking interpretation from Benji himself.

Benji's father also pushes his children away from actually coming to him when they face uncertainty or if they've made a genuine mistake. He is angered when you say you "don't know" something, which essentially leaves no room for uncertainties in development, and we see multiple times that it makes Benji scramble to tell his dad what he thinks he wants to hear instead of being honest. It's a really heartbreaking dynamic to basically have your dad victim blame you and position himself above or even against you. 

I heard this counterargument: it's also true that it's a significant event. Racism is deeply immoral and disturbing, and we pick up that Benji's father has faced a lot of it throughout his academic journey. He has overcome much to get to the present, and some of the attitudes towards racism are relics/defense mechanisms that he undoubtedly learned when he had to protect himself. However, the way he processed this is unhealthy to his children. He's victim blaming and pushing away his children instead of loving them. "Oops my bad, I had problems" is not a valid excuse for this kind of behavior. Everyone has a difficult life, but for you to not process that and to instead inflict that pain on people who love you is beyond irresponsible, and I find it very difficult to justify or have sympathy for Benji's father. 

We see that the problematic family dynamics extend beyond Benji's father. Benji's first instinct was that his mother snitched, or betrayed information shared in confidence. The betrayal goes further when "she didn't move" while Benji's father was hitting him, and it happened so much that Benji could notice and remember that there "was a way she used to sit in these situations." Benji takes care to describe how he noticed his mother uncross her legs, meaning he secretly wants her to step in and knows she's clearly uncomfortable with what's happening. However, to Benji's secret disappointment, she refuses to act. We see more on the dynamics of that marital abuse later on about how her father descends into alcoholism and violence, which could definitely explain this inaction. Regardless, both of Benji's parents fail him. 

✨huzzah✨