We Stan Phoebe (and Similar Siblings)
I love Phoebe. Part of this is my bias from being very in my feels about my relationship with my older brother this week, but their relationship is iconic and THE moment.
I think seeing this story makes you reflect on the potential power of having a sibling. It’s like a built-in friend. The social and emotional significance of having someone with the same family background and traumas, and then being able to grow up with that person is what saves Holden. In a world of condescending, misunderstanding, and jaded people, Holden finds respite in his siblings. He sees glimpses of the purity he’s seeking in nuns and martyrs in his life, but he returns to Phoebe because of the depth of understanding and relative permanence of family. I hesitate to feed into the “it’s your family” thread because it’s certainly not the case that you must love and trust your family. In Holden’s case, his parents have probably made him feel more isolated and traumatized more than they have ever helped. Yet even in the popular modern concept of “chosen family,” I sometimes find myself struggling with having to explain fundamental thinking processes and experiences that have defined me. The privilege of having grown up with someone for 16 years is having that distance closed like a decade ago. For Holden, his siblings are his only true peers.
Holden can’t have Phoebe abandon everything for him. It’s preposterous and heartbreaking and simply wrong. Seeing his own self-destructive behavior in the actions of his beloved sister makes Holden truly awaken to the indifference with which he treats himself. He doesn’t care about his fate but he guards Phoebe’s future with his being. And wanting his sister’s future is enough to make him resign to his future too.
I relate to this feeling of deep loyalty and wanting your siblings to be okay. I recently wrote out a will on Discord as I was boarding a flight. I’ve been fleshing out my death hypotheticals for as long as I can remember. I would want 100% of my life insurance payout to go to my older brother (found out afterwards that I don’t have life insurance so that’s a bummer). I figured that he’d be pretty smart about it, and not have any weird feelings of “loyalty to my sister so I can’t spend this money.” I would want him to buy a house or some other form of investing, and pay for my younger brother’s college tuition. I would want him to take the airline to court and really stress the whole “she had so much potential” and “we’re so inconsolable” thing and get the most possible payout. The whole family would go to therapy (finally) with the money. I’d want someone to finally repaint my room (a little bit of “damn we should’ve listened when she said she hated the pink” would be nice too). My younger brother has my full permission and blessing to write about the traumatic death of his older sister in his college application essays.
It’s curious because in my hypotheticals, I’m not as worried about even my parents and close friends. I hope they'll do well, but at the end of the day life goes on and they'll be fine. In moments of hypothetical crisis, just like Holden, I think about my siblings.
My will and testament on Discord (excuse the language):
PS: I don’t want to die just putting that out there in case lol
I very much enjoy your reflections about the uniqueness of sibling relationships. I think it's something I've taken for granted, but there is definitely an unspoken -knowing- between my sister and me just because we've experienced all of the same things.
ReplyDeleteThe way this reflects on to Holden is really interesting and I like how you say "his siblings are his only true peers." This is so true; they've been his only constant (especially with how much he has changed schools), and it does seem like they would be closest to understanding what he is going through as well as the only one's he would be willing to save himself for.
Also 10/10 will I'm drafting mine now.
Great post! I definitely agree that there is no bond like that of siblings. I think being raised by the same parents and environment seems to make a close relationship where you are able to relate to each other a lot better and easier than most other people can. I especially understand where Holden comes from when he is only able to find a certain relief and happiness by being with his sister who seems to always understand him despite being much younger. I also think that Allie's death has made Holden hold onto his relationship with Phoebe even more, especially now that she is around the age when he died.
ReplyDeleteHi Jojo, You make some really good points about how special Holden's bond with Phoebe is - like you said, she's his built-in-friend who will always be there for him to make sure he does the right thing. We see when other people give him advice, no matter how good it is, he brushes it off paying no regards to it and just saying that they're all phonies or don't truly understand him. However, Phoebe's advice really hits him and sparks a period of transformation where he feels vulnerable and wants to reflect on himself. She also makes him happy in a childlike innocent way that nothing else seems to make him and he knows that will always remain even as the world changes around him. Nice post!
ReplyDeleteI love this tribute to the unique role of siblings as uniquely positioned allies in a coming-of-age arc. I will be very interested to hear your reflections on the sibling relationships in _Black Swan Green_ (Jason and his older sister) and _Sag Harbor_ (Benji and his [slightly] younger brother). It's an important aspect of growing up for many people (only children possibly excluded, although some only children have deep sibling-like ties to cousins and younger aunts and uncles), but it's also a famous source of petty conflict and household social disarray.
ReplyDeleteI entirely agree that Phoebe is one of the greatest characters in any novel, and her dynamic with Holden is pure gold.
Nice post! When I was reading I also found myself relating to Holden's feelings about Phoebe. I have a little sister who I care about more than anything and I would put her before me anytime. Like Holden and Phoebe we understand each other on a deeper level and it's easy to be vulnerable with each other. Phoebe is like Holden's anchor in the world and she's the one that is able to shake him awake and realize what he is doing with his life. This book was a really good depiction of the special bond between siblings and I wish there could have been more.
ReplyDelete